Been away. Just not much to say, yet I could speak and watch my words turn into paragraphs and in turn into volumes upon volumes, enough to fill a library. Is it that my words never reach an ear? My tongue is silenced because there’s no one to hear? Or I care not what the response. I found myself sitting across from someone listening to their rant, complaints, negative, shallow nothings. The small talk they were making I heard it as blah blah blah. And I just did not care, I had nothing to say, no response for them, my mind just blank. I had nothing left to say, not yesterday, not today. I just got up and walked away. This was a person in my everyday life, and I have no interest in interacting. I’m bored beyond those words, it’s nothing shy of the same old complaints, negativity and false bs.
I think that’s when I realized as I was walking down the hall I’ve outgrown that place, the people there, it has become that endless struggle just to pretend that I care. The intellectual challenge long gone, the spark of interest fizzled away, the wonder and magic shrugged away. I can’t pretend to be someone that people want me to be. I am someone that they refuse to see. They chalk it up to dreams and “one day you’ll bring your head outta the clouds” Stop your piss and vinegar and be a the pretty prim and proper that you should be.
I’ve heard enough, I’m not complaining. I’ve become numb. There is no longer any interest in this box that my friends and family would like to place me into. I have no time for shallowness, idiotic banter, and meaningless conversation. For I’m left wandering in solitude, reaching for a real conversation, my heart to take flight, a spark to ignite in my soul. I do not live in dreams, I do like to believe they are possible. I can’t catch a star in my hand yet I strive to try, I chase nothing but my own happiness and I’m not finding here. I’m not Shakespeare or Lovecraft, Poe or King, but I like to spin a tale or two, because it makes me smile, it’s a release, it’s where I feel free.
Now I’m in this place where decisions must be made. Do I go with my heart and follow my dreams or shall I sit and rot in unhappiness. When laughter is most important and smiles make my soul ignite. I have this choice and I choose flight. I am still stubborn me I just choose to let my soul soar free.