“For hell’s sake!” came streaming out of my pursed lips as I rolled the car to the side of the dark, winding road, which glistened like the slippery backside of a serpentine as the gravel on the shoulder crunched under the passenger tires and the car ceased to roll any further. Slumping against the backrest, sighing. Why is it that this feels like I’ve been here before. A touch of Deja Vu possibly. “Well it’s damn dark in the middle of nowhere”. Speaking out loud as if I expected some kind of answer. Giggling as I pulled a half crushed cigarette out of the pack. Taking a big draw and flooding my lungs as I opened the drivers side door and stepped out into the cool night air. It had to have just rained as the pavement under my boots was still wet and glistening in the moonlight. Laughing and speaking to myself once again “This is so much like the beginning of a horror movie, the places I find myself sometimes.”.
Gathering a few things out of the car, my backpack. Always there in case of a quick bug out, a jacket, a flashlight and few other miscellaneous items. I decided to walk it to the next gas station. Cell phone service out here was spotty if even that much. The gas station was only a couple miles up the road and although dark, nothing I haven’t had to do before. Or well, had thought I had done this before, exactly this at least once.
Fighting against a ever growing nagging in my gut I started walking towards the gas station. The farther I walked along, the bigger the nagging turned into gnawing and the darker the street became.The trees seemed to grow larger and literally hung over the two lane country road.
The moonlight faded away as the sky began to sprinkle the ever slightest vapor of rain. “What in the fuck am I doing?”, I stopped for a moment as I felt the world spin and that nagging feeling gripped a hold of my stomach as I gagged, almost letting go of the only meal I had eaten today. Panic ran through my body making my skin crawl. The feeling wasn’t just a nagging, as right then, I didn’t feel like I was alone at all. As a matter of fact I felt like I was inside a crystal ball. Pretty damn sure I had been here, exactly in this place, in this same time before.
Not sure what frightened me more, the feeling that I was being watched, or the place where I was, to say the least I was vulnerable out here. Or the fact that I felt like I had done this exact thing before, better yet this very thing, the words I said, the feelings, the exact steps. I had indeed done this before. But why do I feel like I have watched myself do this from a far? I attempted to laugh it all off and strike one up for imagination driving my fear. Why not, isn’t that one of the things that we crave, being scared, scaring ourselves? Oh and what better way to do that then on a creepy old country road in the dark alone.
Laughter, I stopped walking, not sure if that laugh even came out of my own throat. That thought did indeed make me laugh and I carried on, moving forward into the growing darkness. I lit another cigarette and trotted ahead. I could see a streetlight illuminating the corner just a little and I began to walk faster. As the bend in the road approached I slowed my pace as the slap of noxious odor blew against my face. Cringing and fighting back the urge to vomit, I stopped. The air had warmed here, not just slightly either as I was able to watch the steam roll up in wafting streams from the blacktop. It was rather warm here, enough so that I found myself wriggling out of my jacket and wrapping it around my waist. The warmth was welcomed, the odor that seemed to envelope me in its caustic, wreak was not. Although not a pleasant odor, it was a familiar odor. One that if it has passed across your odoriferous cavities previously, is one that you never forget.
My heart began to race, pounding like a bass drum in chest, making the only noise I could clearly hear the beat of my own heart as I stood there. Empty, alone and seemingly aware that something was very wrong. I should keep walking, I should. I kept telling myself, damn it, keep walking, and walk fast. Instead, I found myself moving towards the darkness out of the circle of light that was faint as the street lamps canvass just barely began to break the night at this bend in the road.
Backing into the darkness towards the tree line, boot heels digging into the soft, wet earth beneath my feet, I felt naked as my inner will was set on edge, having gone into full protection mode. Panic reached for me, unsuccessful in it’s grasp as I reached the treeline. Full fight mode ensued as all my senses stood at their peak. Taking in the surroundings as I fought to breathe that smell in too deep. The smell of rot. The decaying of flesh, mixed with rain and there was something else present too. What was that scent, also familiar, yet one that I had not smelled in a very long time. Resting against the big, harsh oak behind me as I gathered in all the surroundings.
Moving just slightly into the wood-line, crouching as I watched and listened. I felt my heart beat in my chest like a bass drum on steroids, it was thunderous I thought for sure whatever else might be out here, certainly heard it as well.
Trying to focus as the moist air began to cling to my chest, I heard it then, a faint growl or groan. My breath came in stuttering waves as I attempted to conceal myself behind this big old oak tree. I must have been on the verge of fainting as my eyes were only able to focus on a slight green hue across the glistening road. It was coming from the woods across the way. It wasn’t just green, using that color to describe it was wrong, it was blue and green and white all at the same time.The world swayed in front of me and went dark.
Opening my eyes to the sound of humming. It was humming, a mechanical humming. Slowly sitting up. How long had I been out? I looked once more across the street and gasped at what I saw. There were no longer trees there, there was no longer a road there. It was just blank. This is some kind of a trick, it had to be, the earth does not just erase pieces of itself. Except at this moment it had.
Slowly, I backed away into the woods behind me. Either something was very wrong with me or something major had happened while I lay there unconscious. It was then that the sound pierced my ears, a deep sigh, raspy unto itself. My skin crawled with goosebumps as I turned. The bag in my hand fell to the ground as the stench of decay wafted to my nostrils and I screamed, the thing that stood in front of me screamed too.
Thick saliva spewing from it’s gnarling teeth as it began to laugh. The panic inside of me rose as a shiver went down my spine. The creature stood there, and in a moments flash, I wondered could it actually see me? It smelt me, it heard me, so why hadn’t it attacked me. The nauseous feeling crept up inside me, this thing was rank, overpoweringly so. I was going to vomit and it would know exactly where I was. As I choked back my lunch, moving slightly to the right, I was right! This creature couldn’t see me. I slide to my right again, trying to be quieter than a mouse. If this thing got a hold of me I was not going to get away. It was all of 7 foot tall and solid as a horse. That’s when I saw it. A small flash on the things hand, a ring. One that I had seen many times before. As I continued to slide into the darkness. That being called out, but who or what was it calling out to?
My mind was racing, my skin crawling in fear and my body shivered in terror as I moved cautiously into the heavy wooded area. Coming to an old dilapidated building, I decided to enter. Moving behind the doorway to the right I heard it, panting. The sound was shallow, and rapid and just what was I thinking? What was going on here, had I walked into another dimension? Where exactly was I? The wetness on my skin had seeped through my clothes and although it was warm outside in here it was as cold as an icebox.
My body repulsed against the cold air. The darkness was thick and solid as pitch, do I turn on my flashlight? Do I run out of here in fear? Listening closely to the surroundings, I heard the shallow breathing, almost a panting, it had to be approximately 6 feet away, straight forward and to the right. Slowly, with palm over the torch end of the flashlight I saw what lay ahead. This was an old warehouse, there was a thing, a person, or what was a person standing facing the opposite wall. The sound of the being from outside rang loudly and the answer came, from out of the mouth of this thing a gurgling, growl as it turned and moved directly past me out the doorway into the night.
Petrified my legs extended and I stood up. Moving cautiously, deeper into the building. I saw the glow of the strange illumination I had seen across the road previously. I was yanked backwards as my hair was pulled, some ripped out as the cold hard head of something slammed into my forehead. My world shook for a moment. As I regained my space and realized that this thing, huge, muscled, with whitish blue skin was dragging me. No sound escaped me although I attempted to scream. The hand that had my head, suddenly let go and as my feet were once again beneath me. The monster attacked me. It’s teeth sharp and silvery in the glow from the illumination. It began to gnash its teeth rapidly and I came to the realization that I was his meal.
My knife, I had my knife. Smooth and sharp and solid. Bug out bag, good thing for my lack of trust and paranoia.I gripped the handle with every ounce of strength I had as the huge thing came at me, slightly bent forward. With the knife in my right hand, one swift slash across his throat, proved worthy as some gooey, thick substance came spewing forth as his thick sharp nails ripped at my shirt. My knife found the right side of it’s neck and plunged into the flesh there. It fell to it’s knees and began to gurgle and flail in the strange light.
My feet took me deeper into the building closer to the light inside. Unable to grasp in my mind what the hell was going on. Moving faster I rounded the corner and came to an abrupt halt as I could not believe what lay before my eyes.
Pain seared through my head as the sound of my skull cracking ripped through my ears and I fell to my knees. Barely alert the sight of blood pooling around my knees, shimmered in the fantastic light as my world faded with only pain remaining and the sound of ripping flesh as the thing from outside clamped it’s teeth into my neck. What lay in front of me was a spinning aura of amazing light. Surrounding it was nothing, nothing at all.
It was if the world was being erased and in it’s place strange beings, larger than life have come here for what? I would never know the answer as I screamed. Floating, I was floating. Looking back at myself, my fear was gone and I ascended. No longer were there boundaries, no longer did I care as I watched that being devour my flesh, I was floating.
First touch of strong fingers entwined in mine, the warmth of skin through the crispness of your shirtsleeve, resting arm on arm. Butterflies tremble deep inside. The depth of your eyes magnetizing. Whispering in my ear all those magical things a woman longs to hear. The sweetness of your breathe on my neck awakens my skin endlessly.
Walking along hand in hand underneath the veil of moon kissed night. Resisting every ounce of desire to reach up and kiss you, infinitely. The sensation of heat radiating from your skin, as if heaven is bleeding through your shirt. Reaching the edge of the lake, tall oak trees enveloping us underneath their sturdy canopy.
Pressing my back against the course bark of the tree. The totality of senses heightened to an impassioned state clutching you close, lips converging as tongues plead longingly. The relevance of our bodies coupling firmly together as our kiss deepens in passionate urgency, igniting a spark within, my hands ensnaring your arms.
The buttons of your crisp shirt come undone one by one. Hearts pulsating firmly as our clothing collects on the ground. Sweet whispers as gentle breezes brush against heated bodies, stimulating skin. Exposing flesh to the open surroundings eagerly absorbing each other through slippery tongues.
Fingers gliding over supple skin as we lay on the blanket, the cool ground penetrating and desire burns its seductive flame, a whispery breathe calling your name. Your firmness rousing against wanting flesh. As the wetness of cool tongue traces and kisses at firm nipples. Sliding over quivering flesh as the path to ecstasy is traced. The rain beginning to pat softly, glistening our bare skin.
The scent of you invigorating to me is intoxicatingly sweet, and spicy as it mixes with the freshness of the dampened grass. Lost in tender pleading kisses, those strong hands slowly moving higher along my thighs. Moistness interludes with the gentle swaying of hips. Tension builds as the coolness of lusts beckoning tongue lingers in moments of pleasure gliding fervently on tender skin as the rush of climactic moans and waves of clenching passion begin.
It is then that passion overcomes to penetration succumbs. The weight of your body bearing down, hand gently lifting my derriere from the ground as roles reverse. Deep eyes glistening looking into mine as slow passion builds the rain trickles down whetted skin. The feeling of fullness inside undeniable ecstasy as we commence on this slow, teasing ride.
Heavy fog rolling in biting past the suns last glimmer, a deep and eerie shimmer.
As crisp autumn leaves crackle under feet, tis in the forest deep, where she shall roam
longing for her forever home.
Where at last she is set free, lost and forlorn, wandering. Gown of white now stained by moss and unrelenting time
Entering the twisted birch for a patch of trodden earth, to foray her rebirth
As visions creep entangling through her veins, as her final chapter rings.
Reaching, pleading with the strangling mist, beating the air with clenched fists.
Her of hue no longer there seeped with red and tinged in sin, she calls beckoning him.
Release her there is no reprise from the anguish that boils inside.
One dance was all she stood, as demons grew from her rage taking her by veiled guise.
As she wanders down her abandoned path, insanity mounts her shattered soul twisting her compass from her grasp
A wicked demise as darkness settles before her eyes, all hope has gone as she screams on twisted lunatic binge
ripping at things she imagines there, tearing out the roots of her hair
Spinning, turning, her way obscured with haunted soul
Spittle flying through the air, scarlet swells falling from her ears and demons scream in their silent ruse, penetrating her mind infused
As she twirls in sweet nocturnal grue reaching for who she was, now forever lost.
Wandering she stills her craze, under the oak reaching out to her, gnarly knotted, dark and drab, it’s here where she shall stay.
Where her place eternal be, where she can silently scream never-resting only babbling.
Hiding within the shadows playing round, hearing men and growling dogs as they come round.
They are looking to slay her demon ways.
Her banshee laugh not keeping them at bay.
As men round the tree and encompass thee, her voice rising with insanity.
As she screams and onlookers watch as the struggle ensues, watching her soul entwine with hell-bound sin
Looking on not one but two fighting inside a turbulent battle, soul against demon in frenzied struggle.
A village man taking claim, for it is her that he will claim. Put this notch up on his mantle, he slays demons winning battles.
As he reaches for his mark, she turns to him in the willowy dark, the voice spoke and he fell to his knees whilst her demonic cry exploded his tender eyes.
Insanity laughing, spoke in tongues as her demon shrills have won.
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Because I survive, I heal. This entire song perfection. I rise as a Phoenix does. From the pit of darkest ashes of smoldering pitch, I rise embolden in flames because I AM strength…
My Immortal By Evanescence 2004
I’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here and it won’t leave me alone these wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just to real there’s just too much that time can not erase. When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears when you scream I’d fight away all your fears I held your hand throughout all of these years, but you still have all of me. You used captivate me by your resonating light, now I’m bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me these wounds won’t seem to heal this pain is just to real, there is just too much that time can not erase.
Stepping out into the cool, autumn air of the evening, pulling my coat ever closer to my body the dampness hung in the air like mist. With flashlight in hand I knew where I had to go and with this storm approaching it was certain need to head there quickly. Stepping through the trees, whose branches had lost all but a few leaves, been surrendered to the earth and crunched lightly under foot as each step drew me deeper into the darkened woods.
The night was thick amongst the trees, the only noise was the crackling of twigs and the crunching of leaves beneath my feet. Traversing ever closer to the old building in the back of the property, a sound, almost a whisper caught my attention. Stopping in my tracks to have a closer listen. There was indeed a mans whisper, gentle and sweet. Unable to pinpoint the source of the sound I stood there, turning off the flashlight just to listen. And the whispering did not stop. “My day is done my dear, I’m sorry please forgive me”.
Slowly placing one foot in front of the other, carefully moving, ever nearer to the sound. In all the years I walked back here, having never come across a single person. After-all this was my property and no one should be here anyway. The soft whispered voice turned into a louder conversation, although I was only hearing one side of it. After moving forward about 20 paces I stopped once again to have a listen. No sound came back, walking forward once again the voice began to ring through the trees. “You couldn’t understand, there was a hole, it’s deep my dear”.
My curiosity was insanely peaked at this and moving closer, I could see the form of a man sitting on the edge of a rock, his head placed back against the tree. No time to really stand here and watch what this guy was doing, but just what was he doing back here and who was he talking too? The decision came to me to go to the old building lock it up and then confront him on the way back. Proceeding slower than was desired however as I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. The building, standing there solemnly creepy as it always was. Until the open door caught my attention. No one had been back here for the better part of month or more. As I stood there staring at the door and contemplating, the rain began to fall like cold daggers against my cheeks.
Turning the flashlight on and walking into the building, every hair on the back of neck was standing on end and a shiver coursed down my spine. My breath caught in my chest as I flipped the creaky light switch. Yes everything was in its place including what seemed to be the imprint of the memory from so many years ago. Crimson spatter covered everything from inside the old car, the door hung open on the driver’s side. My mouth hung open as if on hinges and the flashlight dropped from my hand rolling its way under the work bench, casting an eerie glow. The fear and panic crept back up inside and a scream of sheer terror escaped me, unable to catch my breath as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
The radio was blaring an all to familiar song, and I wondered how long had this been going on or was this just a figment of my imagination. Was I projecting my deepest pain onto what I was seeing? Closing my eyes, and taking a deep breath, the music still casting its dead melody. Opening my eyes, nothing had changed, the scene still remained. This could not be, I had been out here every summer all season long for ten years to look after this car, this building, the tools and lawn mower and other equipment. What was displayed before my eyes was an impossibility. Still with weakened knees I had to go and see, the urge to know overwhelmed me as the driver’s side of the car seemed to beckon to me.
My mind moved forward and yet my feet remained as if sealed in concrete, unable to move. With a push of forceful will, one small step and gut wrenching urge to vomit came over me. Gathering my wits I took those steps bringing me closer to the driver’s side door. Blood spatter so thick it was an impossibility to see anything beyond the splattered glass. The song began it’s aching tune one again, words didn’t even register as I stepped into full view of the interior of the car, grey no longer, now bloody crusted crimson and speckled with matter. Again fighting the urge to fall down to my knees. Heart pounding in my chest and stomach turning back on itself.
The tears came in fits of anger and rage, skin on fire and with every heartbeat veins pounded, what I had expected, or whom was absent. I did fall to the cement floor on my knees in waves of relief, sobbing and cussing this irritating song,shut up. This was my imagination or things gone terrible wrong between the veil of both worlds. Surely there was no way this was real.
Clenching my eyes shut tight, wishing this vision to leave my sight. Sitting there as time passed, not aware of how long. Opening my eyes in sheer panic at the thought, if he’s not here, where did had he gone? Gathering myself, the slap of reality at the door being opened and the sight of the man in the woods, the empty drivers seat raced through my head. The rain had commenced pounding ever so much harder outside. In my panic I forgot about the radio playing that blasted song on repeat and everything else as I walked out the door into the darkest of pitch and pouring rain. In terror and disbelief driving me ahead. From this I can not run.
The night was dark and the rain came pelting down as cold as ice, melting in an instant on my feverish skin. The pounding in my chest from the adrenaline rush took over every part of my being. Where did he go, was he here, was that him by the tree, who was he talking to, in an instant even before my brain was thinking my feet were running back down the path, for one more chance to see him again. Sprinting to the tree where he had been, he was no longer there, only a large slick rock.
Sitting on the rock for a moment, heart-broken once more. Once more chance to see that smile, those eyes if only for one more chance. From behind came a sound just a little louder than a whisper “I knew you’d come”. Terror took its hold on me and I was frozen in place. The overwhelming want to see him again, the pain the terror of what I was about to see and in a miraculously magic moment I felt absolutely nothing. No heart pounding, no cold rain, no panic, pain or fear. Every part of my being had gone completely and utterly numb.
Standing and turning to face the voice, I felt like I was floating. The only thing to do was stare, in front me he stood, bloody and smiling with his hand-held out. Without hesitation my hand extended to his. The rain poured down my face masking my tears. It was then as fingers tips touched finger tips that dread began to rise inside me. Icy fingers tips reaching for mine, his smile had gone and what I saw in those unnaturally blackened eyes, flinching drawing my hand away. Waves of tears embracing me as I saw him just standing in front of me, and the stark realization he was no longer who I’d thought he’d be.
“My dear it’s time for me to go, come hither now or forever let me go”. Possessing the relentless longing to give in to that voice, the once so missed. In the weakest voice that was able to be mustered, standing there shaking in sobs I gave my final, painful goodbye. “My love with all my heart yes it is that time. Time for me to let you go”.
A shiver passed over me when I awoke freezing. The covers on the bed were twisted in knots about me, soaked and sweating profusely. My mind swam in a sleepy haze and apprehension, my hair was drenched and my left finger tips were numb. Exiting the bed I went into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of myself looking a fright in the mirror. Upon looking back into the bedroom was when I noticed the muddy footprints I left soiled on the carpet behind me.
Looking in the mirror I whispered “Goodbye”
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